Marketing meetings

The last couple of mornings I have been forced to wake early for some very important business type meetings and while having my coffee and rather boring gluten free cereal I have accidentally turned on the excessively large flat screen TV and watched some C-Span as I regretfully ate my tasteless but healthy breakfast.

If you are like me you do not ever get the pleasure of watching early morning C-Span so let me tell you what you are missing. Racism and hatred, that’s what you are missing, that and a dull white man in a cheap suit who does not seem to know how to hang up on callers. C=Span has a strict hiring policy, it can only hire bland hosts who dress like JC Penny mannequins to host all of their shows, personality not required.

Yesterday I was sipping coffee and wondering why gluten free cereal tastes an awful lot like dog food when a caller from somewhere in America began a rant about the “fiscal cliff” blaming everything on “the entitlement society.” This is when Boring Suit Man asked him exactly what the caller meant by entitlement society, which I believe in retrospect was exactly what the caller was hoping for, because he began a 30 second rant that went something like this.

“You can’t have people sucking off the government tit all the time. People are getting welfare, living in Section 8 housing, getting free healthcare, government buses take them to doctors appointments, their food is paid for, so is their gas and electric. What you have here is an entire generation raised to think that they don’t have to do nothing, they can sit at home and watch TV and just keep making kids and do nothing to make this country better and all these niggers have to do…”

The bad suit wearing guys draw dropped when the n-word was tossed out. That’s what happened. Oh, you can say what you want about free housing and healthcare, but you throw the n-word out and the cheap suit loses his shit. How does a powerless sissy man lose his shit on C-Span? He told the caller that that “sort of language is never appropriate and that he is forbidden to ever call C-Span again.” So there.

Wow, I thought, drinking my coffee and eating my terrible tasting cereal. First, racism is right there, early in the morning, spoon fed to you on C-Span. Wow. Then I thought, do the silly people at C-Span really think that the racist and hate filled neanderthals who make such phone calls will take the ban of no more calls punishment seriously? We shall see.

This morning, another early morning meeting, more terrible cereal, a sip of bitter coffee and a taste of C-Span and I could leave recharged to do battle with some marketing folks who seem to hate me. There I was, assured inside my head that yesterdays racist rant was a one-off, a rare goof up that could only happen on a live call in show on C-Span that probably no one else was watching. This morning, another boring guy in a decent suit this time was taking calls and again talking about this financial cliff, wondering how the Republicans would deal with the presidents latest offer. This time, a call from a man somewhere in the Midwest. He started off somewhat rational, saying Texas was at fault because George Bush was from Texas and George Bush started all those expensive wars and the largest military base was in Texas and just as the host was about to cut the caller off, the brilliance of C-Span was again laid out for everyone to hear.

“It’s not just Texas though, see it’s also Virginia, cause they get all the tax dollars to spend paying off all the military contractors like Haliburton. Plus Delaware, where the Vice President is from and the home of all the credit card companies. That’s where all the money is, the credit companies are stealing everyone’s money and you know the Jews are going to take our money and send it to Israel and…”

Again, the host cut the caller off, a little perturbed, but this time he did not chastise the caller, nor did he tell him never to call again. I am not sure what C-Span has in the way of standards and practices, but I do know this, you rail against a caller using the n-word, you get a lifetime ban, but you rail agains money changers using the j-word, you just get politely tossed off and that’s about it. I am fine with that. I had a meeting to go to.

What I do know is this, I am going to start waking up earlier, C-Span rocks.


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